I used to try to be the perfect woman who could walk in high heels without tripping and could make a perfect meal for 20 at the drop of a hat. I spent so much time and energy trying to be perfect that I was missing out on the real enjoyment of my life. I have since come to the conclusion that I must just be myself, no matter who likes it or me.
I have met a man, older than I, who likes me as I am. He likes my craziness and has a way of making me feel loved and safe, no matter what.
He took me to an art museum last weekend. He actually planned an entire weekend for me that showed me that he is the first man to understand and embrace the real me. He picked me up on Sunday morning, as he just returned from a business trip the day before. We went to an exhibit that included a Monet and my favorite Van Gogh. He didn't even mind when I spent nearly 30 minutes on an incredible painting of Ophelia and was so overwhelmed that I almost cried, something unlike me. Anyway, after a wonderful day there, we stopped at the Smith and Wesson store and looked at guns and the shooting range. We have a love of guns in common. I liked the pink ones, by the way. A .22 with a pink handle just my size should put fear in any criminal. lol Anyhoo, afterwards, he took my best friend and me to dinner at the Japanese restaurant and I got my favorite sweet potato sushi and had a great time as they teased me and the chef threw food into my mouth across the table. I spilled rice in my ample cleavage and spent the rest f the time, thinking I was subtle, removing it. Gr. Anyway, I managed to not spill anything else, even as I took pictures and probably seemed like a tourist in my own area, which, I am really. I find everything interesting.
on the way to the hotel, which was a suite with a giant bathroom and two bedrooms and no one on either side of us, something I later found out he arranged, we stopped at the store and he ran in as I was freezing. Long story, but I had to borrow my friend's extra coat because I do not have one because I lent mine to someone. In Ct, that is a problem. Anyway, while he was gone, my butt started burning. It was too cold to get out so I "sat" in the seat with my bottom as far away from the seat as possible. The people next to the car were watching me in disbelief until he came back. without a beat, and the slightest hint of a smile, he asked why I did not use the clearly labeled buttons and turn the heat down in the seat. I was a bit embarrassed and my cheeks, both sets, were certainly red. Of course, he did seem amused when 5 minutes later I had the temperature back up to high. Don't ask.
We got to the hotel room and he said I could choose which room I wanted. He did look a bit perplexed when I looked sad and asked him why I had to sleep in my own room. Anyway, the first bed looked like the Princess and the Pea bed. It was higher than my waist and looked so huge and fluffy that I could not resist and ran and jumped up onto it. I was a bit shocked when the bed made a weird suction type noise and I had my feet next to my head and my arms were stuck actually above my head. The whole thing sank and formed around me like a loving hot dog bun and I must have looked like a loon. He came over and helped remove my friend's coat and hung it up, without much of a reaction. Let me say, he is a writer and and a computer genius that is paid to travel all over the world for the government and large corporations. He is probably used to sophisticated women that would never do the crazy things I do. And yet, he makes me feel normal. You see his true genius? Anyway, after I manage to escape from my comfy cocoon, we snuggled, etc, on the other bigger bed, with a normal mattress at 630. Of course, the blanket was of some weird fiber material and I stuck to it and nearly fell off of the bed because I was trying to move my leg without more insane noises, but that is another issue. Ok, so me, who never sleeps and never trusts anyone to fall asleep snuggling, fell asleep at 830 and the next thing, it was 1230. I decided to let him sleep a bit and went to take my first hot, quiet, uninterupted bubble bath since my oldest daughter was born, 18 years ago. Oh my! It was amazing and so amazing that I proceeded to sing a lovely showtoons medly and a song from an old movie that started, "Oh , I wish I were a little bar of soap...". I forgot myself. When I emerged, a clean and new woman, he said nothing about my songs and snuggled me so tightly and completely that if the was the tiniest anything between us, it would have been squooshed. I asked him if we could move to the other bed. He asked why and I told him that it was going to waste and that I wanted to try the other bed so hat we could get closer. See, I am me, and I do not realize my weirdness as I say things. Anyway, that did it. He actually laughed but in a way that only the shaking of his body gave him away. Poor guy must have used all of his might not to laugh earlier. Anyway, we stayed in the bigger bed. He had to catcch a flight the next morning and we were getting ready. I do understand that I may have been a bit odd to stand nude in front of him in all my curvy glory, ugh, and yet I would not allow him to see me brush my teeth, but that is me. He brushed his teeth while I eyed the lonely bed. I went in and messed it up and decided to dive into it. I did and was trapped in this monstrosity. Try as I night, I was face down in the most miserable marshmallow that I could imagine. Even moving or flipping was impossible. Each time I bent my knee or elbow to help me escape, I sun deeper into this fluffy hell. I could not escape until I figured out that I could roll if I stayed completely stiff and rolled to the edge and eventually fell the 3 feet to the hard floor. He missed not a beat and casually helped me up without judgment or laughing. I think his reaction was the best pat of this experience as he sees nothing unusual of this behavior from me.
Anyway, he left for his trip with many hugs and kisses. I wonder what he thought!
Ok, so I saw him again on the Friday monrning. I had left the door open for him, expecting him at 7. I jumped into the shower and took my time. At around 645, I got out and proceeded to sing my bar of soap song and doing the dance that goes to it and had on my Sugar Baby undies with the huge lolipop on my ample cheeks. I did some strange version of the booty dance and was a bit surprized, to say the least, when he cleared his throat. I was mortified! He saw all of that, I must assume, but he was such a gentleman, he said nothing. At first. I came out of the shower to find him out of his expensive clothing and in his silk boxers. "Well, I didn't want you to feel out of place", he said. Oh my! He also told me he is buying me some nice lingerie because after all, he is my sugar daddy! He saw!
I have come to the conclusion that this man, 20 years my senior, may be tired of normal women. Maybe he enjoys my weirdness. He says he loves me and used the f word (forever). He seems to mean it too. Maybe he means it when he says how happy I make him and when he says that I make him smile like no one else. I sure hope so.
Either way, I am going with it. He didn't even think I was crazy when I told him that my goal is to keep moving in my career and school, but I want to be his 1950s wife. He must not scare easily.
Any advice, comments, or similar stories? I will share more as we go along. Believe me, there is much more to write!